Sense of Urgency

{Learning to Love, Accept, and Embrace the Demon of Self-Intoxication}

That which seemingly defeats us also redeems and exalts us. What are you currently listening to? Would it be the voice of reason, recourse, revenge, residue, recompense, or reverberation? Of the many voices of distraction, conflict and contention within, how does one know what to listen to and what to ignore/delete? Where does your attention flow? Do you find yourself mulling over the same old thoughts again and again and again? Whether they be thoughts of (people, places, things) locked away in the past, worry projected in the future, or nit picky concerns in the present, are you proposing a state of inherent disability? If lingered in long enough, this non-productive self-sabotaging mental process will sap your vitality and destroy your over-all well being. A more definitive term for what you are doing to yourself would be: debilitating self-intoxication. This present state of mind is literally undermining all of your activities. It is coloring your communication with others and inhibiting you from being a fun, spontaneous and creative person. {Which, in fact, IS your natural self when allowed to express freely.} You are giving full reign to a pessimistic never-ending inner dialogue that reduces your ability to concentrate, finish tasks, function optimally, remain cheerful, enthusiastic, interested and helpful. Your level of attractiveness is diminished and sexuality takes a back seat. Boring and uninteresting, you are turning into an old fogy way before your time. {Not that there’s anything wrong in growing old; it should be the most celebrated and glorious part of a person’s life!} But, when we don’t feel ‘good’ about the things we do during the day, like finishing tasks, excessive gossiping or procrastinating, we immediately impress upon the mind guilt with the need to defend ourselves. We end up accusing and attacking others before they have a chance to comment on what we perceive as a poor performance or further yet, we misinterpret whatever comment is made. That obsessive mind set projects paranoia, a victim mentality along with the tried and true “feel sorry for me song.” And, tell me, “Who wants to dance to that tune?”

Let’s face it: none of us like to be seen in a ‘bad’ light. And, we will go to great lengths and heights to prevent the embarrassing and humiliating scenario from occurring If, at all possible. The irony of the problem, however, lies not in our so-called ‘poor performance’ but rather in how we THINK we ought to perform based on the self-projected conditions of others. Not only do we believe we SHOULD act a certain way but we have conditioned ourselves into perceiving we ought to FEEL a certain way, as well. Not true. False. Wrong. We have grown so accustomed to acting and reacting based on a pre-supposed idea of what others “will think of me” IF I don’t or do, that our authentic voice has been buried underneath mountains of over-processed emotional rubble. Have we become so self-intoxicated by a deluded, distorted, disgruntled self-image that we are incapable of recognizing, appreciating and applying genuine worthiness? We are far too concerned with what we believe others think or don’t think about us. We are so accustomed to feeding and fueling our inner negative dialogue, we CAN’T really hear what is being said. We jump to conclusions, accuse others of vicious innuendos, while at the same time, walking on egg shells so as not to offend. A DEPRESSIVE NIGHTMARE: we end up living in a self-created delusional hell of our own making, saying one thing doing another.

Shutting down the incessant self-defeating inner negative dialogue is what “Sacred Work” is all about. How does one do that? There exists a ‘still small voice’ that lingers beneath the accusing drone of self-doubt, self-denial and self-loathing. It abides as clear, constant, calm, gentle and serene, never belittling or condemning. But, in our desperate futile attempts to drown the boisterous mocking penetrating shrill of the fear of self punishment, ridicule, disdain, or self-decline brought on by the nefarious imposter’s inner dialogue, we overstate our value, emphasizing the need to acknowledged and appreciated. Little do we realize that by ‘driving the point home’ of how special we believe ourselves to be, we have but fallen into the trap of morbid self-intoxication. Instead of pushing for more recognition, validation, approval, response, attention from the outside, we need to pause and listen quietly (without habitually reacting) to that ‘still small voice’ that arises from the same place, different flavor. You will instinctively recognize its resounding ‘tone of truth’ because of what it will say and how it will say it to you. The guidance will be in complete opposition to what you would normally do or say. It will seem like foolishness, to begin with. That’s part of getting in tune with yourself. It’s impossible to KNOW what’s really taking place on the inside of you, much less in your world, when you are so fixated on the life-absorbing NEED to be viewed as right, intelligent, informed, witty, or observant. You are investing too much energy in trying to please or appease another with residual emotions filtered through a ‘windmill’ of self-repercussions.
Start by weeding out and dismissing so-called important people from your life who wield too much influence or control.

The bottom line is: self-intoxication drains the very life force out of you. Self-intoxication depletes and decapitates leaving you in a state of numbed indifference and intolerance. We must learn to hear the ‘still small voice’ in our GUT! Bypass the turbulent heart and noxious mind, altogether. The ‘still small voice’ in the GUT is pure raw unadulterated divine instinct. It is where sexual passion originates. And, we all KNOW that sexual energy is the highest form of spiritual energy available to mankind, right? Right there deep down in the Solar Plexus where true innocence dwells and where beguilement never even visits. This is the station where “the first shall be last and the last shall be first” roam freely. We must be willing to receive ourselves completely without question and demise of character. We must learn to trust and obey our own inner most instincts when every aspect (including people) in the reasonable world say do otherwise. We must dethrone the demon of self-intoxication by revealing the false mask he wears.
We will meet him head-on and coax him to surrender by acknowledging that we recognize the importance of his traveling incognito in us. And, that we appreciate his disguise in order to propel us past the point of imaginary wrong doings and slighted hurts. {No matter how REAL they appeared to be.} We will declare with full earnest testimony that it is only through PAIN that we grow and evolve. But, that protection is no longer needed IF we don’t have need or desire to impress or be impressed. Without the supposed enemies to instill, argue with and fight against, how could we ever break out of the chains of CHERISHED identity?

We must remember to love ourselves not because we are so special {no real talent involved in that}, but because we have no need to be. We are ORDINARY human beings just like the other 30 billion or so people residing on the planet with us. To reduce divinity to a human form is an omniscient feat; one not to be taken lightly or irreverently. But to exalt ourselves unnecessarily is to mock the sacred in us. To be extraordinarily divine is our god-given birthright—nothing spectacular about that. But, what is absolutely astonishing and miraculously amazing is being fully HUMAN in an ordinary body with all its frailties, imperfections and ‘supposed’ defects that come along in the make-up. We must truly irreversibly love and honor our human weaknesses as they are the source of our unrequited strength and redemption. “In the Rapture of the Lowly Let ME Feel thee,” should forever be our plea. A Sense of Urgency attaches itself to how well we can accept, love and embrace the demon of self-intoxication because it is a well established fact: we can treat others no better than we treat ourselves. We will continue to meet and greet the same demon in others over and over again unless we witness, address and overcome his bewitching ways. To be entertained by him for a season is quite understandable but to be engulfed by his counterproductive foolery for longer periods of time than is required is rather ridiculous when you come to think about it.